_tj: joey, knock knock, pramis, nakakatawa to. knock knock.
_joey: ewan ko sa yo.
_tj: ayaw mo? bahala ka. its not my loss.
_joey: haha. sa totoo lang dun ako natawa.
________
_mon: lam mo, kung mayaman lang sana ako, pinag-aral na kita.
________
_tj: di ba, pag past tense, naglaba. pag present, naglalaba. pag future.. magsasampay.
________
_lesley: ang gwapo ni kuya jehad a. *dahil nagpa-gupit at nagpa-ahit*
_jehad: sa totoo lang labag to sa kalooban ko e.
________
_sean: tapos ka na ba sa intrapersonal? este intrapartal pala.
________
_CI: where is miss carpio?
_tj: curfew?
________
_CI: noe, elaborate this.
_noe: elaborate mam?
_CI: oo, elaborate it.
_noe: mmm. elaborate mam?
_fred: elaborite, elaborite, okey na?
________
_tina: sino ang pumatay kay magellan? it starts with an L.
_fred: lito lapid.
_tina: inuulit ito.
_fred: lito lito lapid lapid.
_tina: marami sila.
_fred: lito lapid and friends.
________
_fred: mam short quiz sabi nio tas 35 points. di nio na lang ginawang 40 para sinulit sulit nio na.
________
_CI: tj mag-ahit ka dyan.
_tj: mam kakaahit ko lang nung sabado mam.
_CI: iba ngayon.
________
_CI: mr. paras your socks bakit white.
_tj: mr. paras you suck daw.
________
_CI: noon, ang ginagamit nila ay bamboo para i-cut yung cord ng baby.
_fred: o, bamboo???
_jovilyn: basta kasi pag bamboo feel mo ikaw na.
________
_CI: walang ambulansya kaya ung pasyente, nagtataxi na lang.
_jane: hala. patay na ung pasyente a.
_fred: iniisip nio kasi patay na.
________
_CI: sinu na dito ang nakapunta ng US? mr. tuazon and ms. madarang di ba?
_fred: ako sir, sa mexico.. pampanga. sa new york.. cubao.
________
_CI: dapat, huwag niong ikahiya ang school na pinanggalingan nio.
_fred: "maganda ba ung mga room nio doon?" "malaki.. ung gym."
________
_fred: 80% of jokes are true.
________
_CI: selfish.
_fred: yes sir. minsan nagtitinda rin ako ng baboy.
________
_CI: acapen.
_fred: yakapen.
________
_tj: another breastfeeding position is the football position. put your baby on your fore arm. apat na kamay..
________
_vielle: yung fertile phase, pwedeng mag-occur agad after menstruation.
_erika: kelan yan?
_fred: mamaya.
________
_tk: when can you record your menstrual days?
_vielle: sa kamay mo kung gusto mo! haha.
_fred: sa pader!
________
_fred: this is the.. ahm, kasi yung ano..
_tj: english!
________
_fred: mga bulakbol!
_karen valerie: weh? nagsao!
________
_jovilyn: nakakainis ako na lang lagi tinatawag ni sir.
_jesebel: wen man.
_fred: sige, magreklamo kayo sa isa't isa imbes na kay sir.
________
_romeo: mam kailangan pa ba talaga nung PHN book?
_CI: kasi gagamitin nio yan hanggang 4th year.
_tina: mam ako hanggang 4th year dala dala ko tong book.
_fred: dala dala mo hanggang 4th year? ako minsan iiwan ko rin sa bahay. haha.
________
_mon: hindi naman talaga natin alam kung ano ang nursing e. bat kasi may mga nagkakasakit pa. sana ginawa na lang ni God na wala nang sakit.
________
_CI: bat mo kasi inaasar ung mga kagrupo mo?
_mon: sir hindi kaya. tinuturuan ko pa nga sila eh.
_CI: siguro crush mo sila no?
________
_mon: sir, subukan mong kumain sa kabila.
_CI: bakit, masarap ba dun?
_mon: may ginto ang pagkain nila dun. ang mahal e.
________
_CI: its better talaga na bilhin nio ung book. ung accompanied by a CD.
_fred: mam sa national bookstore, may CD na nga may CD player pa!
________
_CI: bugarin were you raising your hand?
_fred: ako mam?
_tina: sino pa bang bugarin dito?
________
_CI: anong mahirap? diniscuss nman natin tong lahat. nasa libro pa. ano ang mahirap?
_noe: mahirap magrebyu.
________
_CI: fourmula one. ano pang mga program?
_karen valerie: fourmula two.
________
_CI: sa capping, ilang parents nio ang darating?
_fred: mam dalawa, sila pareho.
_tj: mam ako tatlo. kasama ung kabit. haha.
________
_tina: mam ilang months na tiyan nio?
_CI: 3 months.
_tina: kelan expiry date? este due date?
________
*sumisipa ng bola si noe sa volleyball*
_malou: noe han nga soccer dayta!
________
_lesley: ang ganda ng scrapbook natin a, ung kulay ang sarap sa mata.
_fred: o, tikman mo. *sabay subo ng papel sa mata ni lesley*
________
*mga vikings na girls tinitilian si sean habang sumasayaw*
_romeo: ang lalandi nio bata yan!! bata!!
________
_CI: magkakahypertension ka pag sayote ang ulam mo araw araw.
_tina: totoo mam? nakakahighblood ang sayote?
_CI: oo.
_lesley: di nga?
_tj: sayote manen! inaldaw nga sayote!
_CI: ikaw ba nmang isang buwang sayote ang ulam mo araw araw hindi ka ba mahahighblood?
________
*4:30pm*
_romeo: good luck sa inyong duty. kita kita mamayang umaga.
_vielle: ano? mamayang gabi!
_romeo: mamayang umaga!
_veille: mamayang gabi, hindi umaga! sus!
________
_vielle: ang baho!
_ako: parang sunog na tae.
_fred: haha!
_vielle: wag kang tumawa, lumalala!
________
*alice, lumipat ng upuan, sa loob ng jeep*
_fred: hoy! ginagawa mo ring bus to a! umaandar tawid ka nang tawid!
__________
_mon: ganito kumain ng oreo. buksan mo. tas dilaan mo. tas isawsaw mo. tas kainin mo.
__________
_CI: san si ritumalta? wala pa siya?
_mon: oo nga sir lagi na lang siyang nahuhuli.
_CI: sabihin nio kasi sa kanya, wag na siyang mag make up.
_fred: hindi sir, maganda lang talaga un.
_mon: lagi siyang nahuhuli kasi ganito siya maglakad. *naglakad nang parang penguin*
__________
*sa loob ng jeep*
_fred: may estudyante ba pag sabado?
_ako: anong tingin mu sa ten?
_lesley: may estudyante pero walang discount.
_fred: manong bayad. estudyante, nag-aaral mabute!
__________
_CI: magbigay nga kayo ng gamot for ulcer.
_romeo: pagkain.
_vielle: sky flakes.
__________
_CI: mula sa chicken, anong makukuha mong sakit?
_romeo: chicken pox.
__________
_caila: ang liit ko no.
_ako: ano bang height mo?
_caila: 4.
_ako: ako kaya?
_caila: siguro 5"2". eh ako. ang liit ko talaga.
_ako: mukha ka kayang matangkad pag malayo.
_caila: e di dapat lagi akong malayo.
__________
_CI: miss patacsil. maingay ka.
_tina: mam ako lang? lahat naman kami.
_CI: ikaw ang naririnig ko diyan.
_tina: mam sige tatahimik na ako.
__________
_joey: mam may tendonitis po ako.
_CI: may tendonitis ka?
_ako: magpapayat ka na kasi.
_karen valerie: oo kasi ang bigat. haha.
_joey: haha. oo nga no.
__________
_candidate for SSC [cyrus]: yan ang aming mga platforms. any questions?
_roy: and, sa uniform pala.
_candidate for SSC [cyrus]: ay, oo. inaamag na rin ba mga damit mo sa bahay?
_roy: oo.
_fred: buti ako pina-ukay ukay ko na!
__________
_tina: sino ung si julius barias?
_candidate for SSC [cyrus]: yung sa intrams, yung nagbasketball.
_vin: si JB. justin bieber.
__________
__candidate for SSC [cyrus]: yung soundsystems, sa apat na taon na nandito ako ganun pa rin. pati yung gym, naka isang pintura lang ata sa apat na taon na andito ako.
_vin: si jehad, limang taon nang ganun ang nakikita!
__________
_vielle: hindi nakapasok si miss venezuela sa top 15.
_aiselyne: oo, kasi sila lagi ang nakukuha.
_ako: last year sila rin nanalo. tas before nun sila din.
_joey: kelan nanalo si ano.. si..
_ako: si gloria diaz?
_joey: oo.
_ako: 1954. ewan.
_romeo: 1970s.
_vielle: 1900s. hindi. nung panahon ng giyera siya nanalo.
_romeo: kasi wala nang iba. haha.
__________
_lesley: no permit no exam.
_roy: wala akong ID. magbabayad na ako. okey lang ba pag walang ID?
_vin: okey lang yan. sabihin mo, "hindi nio ba ako kilala?!"
__________
_jovilyn: sir, magchecheck ka ba ng notebook ngaun?
_karen valerie: sus. bukas na!
_jovilyn: hindi ka nagsusulat no?
__________
_PE teacher: 14-16 lang ang feathers ng shuttlecock. may nagsulat ba ng 20 diyan?
_karen valerie: mulawin na un a!
__________
_ako: hinahanap ka ng bisita ng pasyente ko.
_JP: ha? sinu?
_ako: ewan.
_JP: hindi. sikat kasi ako.
_ako: me ganung factor?
__________
_emily: ui. anung dadalhin bukas sa RD?
_fred: sarili mo.
__________
_joey: mam yung apron ganu kalaki?
_fred: yung kasya sa yo.
__________
_erika: mam pwedeng maki-sit in muna?
_tj: akalain nio un. alas diyes kami nadismiss, balik daw kami ala una. inggit kayo no?
__________
_CI: dapat dalawa ang scar nio. kumpleto nio ba yung dose?
_jehad: mam wala naman. pwede pang humabol?
__________
_fred: "you're the victim of the crime. too much love will kill you.."
_jehad: ui si jovit o!
_mon: look alike!
__________
_fred: mam pwede bang gumawa ng sariling tea bag?
_vin: yung medyas mo.
_vielle: stocking!
__________
_CI: hindi nio ba talaga nababasa?
_jovilyn: pramis mam ang labo nitong photocopy.
_CI: wala talaga kayong nababasa ni isang word?
_vin: personal social, fine motor, language, grluzawitoqas.
__________
_CI: ano pang kayang sabihin ni baby? mama. dada. ano pa?
_vin: brother.
__________
_CI: what's "reservoir"?
_noe: bahay.
_CI: anung bahay? ganyan ba kayo sumagot?
_noe: bahay mam.
__________
_tj: mam hindi kami naligaw dahil dun sa mga tae.
__________
_alice: ang sikip nitong sleeping bag. wag na lang kaya natin ipasok ang sarili natin dito.
__________
_doktora: alam mo bang bawal ang mataba dito?
_joey: opo mam.
__________
_ako: oi magbihis na raw kayo sabi ni sir.
_tj: sabihin mo sa kanya magbibihis ako kung kelan ko gusto!
*narinig ni sir*
_tj: tara bihis na tayo a.
__________
_doc: eto (joey) ang ganda niya pag payat siya. di ba?
_tj: ako po gwapo pag mataba.
__________
*kausap si fred sa phone*
_vielle: fred, ano, bibili ka ng extension wire? para mula sa saksakan ipagkonek konek natin hanggang sa higaan natin.
_fred: ***
_vielle: ha? sa TS ka bibili? baka naman isang gabi lang puputok na yan.
__________
_mon: tignan mo nga kung may media diyan sa labas. magsusuot kasi ako ng nike baka magalit ang adidas.
_ako: ano sila, sponsor?
__________
_doktora: ikaw jehad, anong ginawa mo nung pinagalitan kita?
_jehad: mam. umalis, tapos pumunta sa may bintana, tumingin sa labas at tumulo ang luha.
__________
*justin bieber and sean kingston on the radio*
_tj: eto ang bagong lyrics niyan. "shortie is an incy wincy spider!"
__________
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
i rofled upon reading these jokes.. [haha]
A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."
How many phyciatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. But the lightbulb has to want to change.
What did the tree say to the mountain?
Stop peaking at me.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PIG THAT KNOWS KARATE? PORKCHOP!
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A DINOSAUR WITH EXPLOSIVES? "DYNO-MITE"
WHY DID THE THE SAND GET WET? BECAUSE THE SEA "WEED"
WHAT'S BRUCE LEE'S FAVOURITE DRINK?!?!? WATAAAARRRRRR!!!!!
what do you call a deaf man? it doesn't matter, he won't hear you.
what do lawyers wear to work? Law-Suits!
what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef!
I drank 8 cokes today... I burped 7-up
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
Why was the mushroom invited to the party?
Cause he's the fungi!!!!!! (fun guy :D)
whats brown and smells like honey?
winnies poo...
Favoite cheesy joke- Why couldn't the little boy go see the pirate movie? Because it was rated ARRRRRRR
a lion would never cheat on his wife but a tiger wood!!!
wots green and turns red at a flick of a switch?? a frog in a microwave !!
Just read in the paper how someone pickpocketed a midget...how could anyone stoop so low?
If the Mona Lisa didn't do anything wrong, then why is she locked up and surrounded by security?
She was framed
Did you hear that the Energizer Bunny was arrested?
Yeah, he was charged with battery.
Customer: Hello, may I have a pound of walnuts? Cashier: Sure, go NUTS! BAHAHAHAHA!!!
What did the German police officer say to his bellybutton?
You are under a vest!
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street. A pol...ice car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.
When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."
How many phyciatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. But the lightbulb has to want to change.
What did the tree say to the mountain?
Stop peaking at me.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PIG THAT KNOWS KARATE? PORKCHOP!
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A DINOSAUR WITH EXPLOSIVES? "DYNO-MITE"
WHY DID THE THE SAND GET WET? BECAUSE THE SEA "WEED"
WHAT'S BRUCE LEE'S FAVOURITE DRINK?!?!? WATAAAARRRRRR!!!!!
what do you call a deaf man? it doesn't matter, he won't hear you.
what do lawyers wear to work? Law-Suits!
what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef!
I drank 8 cokes today... I burped 7-up
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
Why was the mushroom invited to the party?
Cause he's the fungi!!!!!! (fun guy :D)
whats brown and smells like honey?
winnies poo...
Favoite cheesy joke- Why couldn't the little boy go see the pirate movie? Because it was rated ARRRRRRR
a lion would never cheat on his wife but a tiger wood!!!
wots green and turns red at a flick of a switch?? a frog in a microwave !!
Just read in the paper how someone pickpocketed a midget...how could anyone stoop so low?
If the Mona Lisa didn't do anything wrong, then why is she locked up and surrounded by security?
She was framed
Did you hear that the Energizer Bunny was arrested?
Yeah, he was charged with battery.
Customer: Hello, may I have a pound of walnuts? Cashier: Sure, go NUTS! BAHAHAHAHA!!!
What did the German police officer say to his bellybutton?
You are under a vest!
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street. A pol...ice car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.
When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Witty Thoughts
* Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
* If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
* Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.
* If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
* Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
* If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
* I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I’d be gone. I said, “The whole time.”
* So what’s the speed of dark?
* How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
* After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
* Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
* If you’re sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
* I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
* Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
* Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
* Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
* When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.
* If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
* Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
* Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
* Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
* How come abbreviated is such a long word?
* If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
* Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
* Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
* Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
* Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
* Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?
* If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
* If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
* What would a chair look like if your knees bent the otherway?
* If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
* Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
* When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
* Do fish get cramps after eating?
* Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
* Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
* Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
* If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
* When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
* Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not a door?
* Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
* How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
* If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the oppositeof progress?
* Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
* Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
* Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?
* Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we usethem?
* Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
* Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
* Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
* What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
* Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
* If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
* Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travelagent?
* Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
* Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?
* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
* If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
* Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.
* If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
* Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
* If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
* I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I’d be gone. I said, “The whole time.”
* So what’s the speed of dark?
* How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
* After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
* Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
* If you’re sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
* I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
* Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
* Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
* Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
* When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.
* If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
* Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
* Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
* Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
* How come abbreviated is such a long word?
* If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
* Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
* Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
* Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
* Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
* Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?
* If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
* If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
* What would a chair look like if your knees bent the otherway?
* If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
* Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
* When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
* Do fish get cramps after eating?
* Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
* Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
* Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
* If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
* When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
* Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not a door?
* Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
* How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
* If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the oppositeof progress?
* Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
* Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
* Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?
* Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we usethem?
* Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
* Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
* Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
* What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
* Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
* If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
* Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travelagent?
* Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
* Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?
* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Look Alike - Funny Pictures
Look Alike - Funny Pictures
Humans and Animals
Look Alike - Funny Pictures
Humans and Animals
Look Alike - Funny Pictures
Humans and Animals
Look Alike - Funny Pictures
Look Alike - Funny Pictures
What is the difference between people and animals? Well, if you look at these photos I’m sure you’ll think twice before answering this question.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Chinese graduation vs American Graduation
Difference between Chinese graduation and American Graduation
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Fruit of Labour
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought ten apples.' The king then explained the trial to him. 'You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten up.'
Two apples went in?.. But on the third one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3... 4...5...6. ..7...8.. . and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, 'Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?'
The second one replied, 'I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.'
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought ten apples.' The king then explained the trial to him. 'You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten up.'
Two apples went in?.. But on the third one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3... 4...5...6. ..7...8.. . and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, 'Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?'
The second one replied, 'I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.'
Monday, May 4, 2009
Funny Full Form of Big companies
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Innocent questions
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
***********
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
***********
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
***********
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
***********
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform,
She asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
***********
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,
My K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?"
***********
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
***********
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
***********
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting , then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."
***********
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother .. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
***********
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; ; "What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."
***********
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
***********
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
***********
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
***********
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
***********
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform,
She asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
***********
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,
My K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?"
***********
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
***********
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
***********
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting , then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."
***********
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother .. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
***********
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; ; "What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."
***********
Monday, April 13, 2009
What If Titanic sank Today?
Reaction from different countries:
************ **
U.S.A:
"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists.
We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson.
Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network."
(President Bush........ whoelse?)
************ **
U.K:
"I have spoken to the President of United States and we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the world and this has to be dealt with."
(Prime Minister Blair)
************ **
Iraq:
"LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)
************ **
Israel:
"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide bombers who have commited such a crime.
We will now impose curfew on the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps."
(Ariel Sharon....)
************ **
Canada:
"Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister)
************ **
India:
"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic debris.
Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more soldiers to the border."
(Prime Minister Vajpayee)
************ **
Pakistan:
"Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke liye pabandi"
(President Musharraf)
************ **
UN:
"Shit happens right??"
(Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan)
************ **
Survivors:
"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening... it was an iceberg..hellloooooo."
************ **
************ **
U.S.A:
"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists.
We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson.
Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network."
(President Bush........ whoelse?)
************ **
U.K:
"I have spoken to the President of United States and we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the world and this has to be dealt with."
(Prime Minister Blair)
************ **
Iraq:
"LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)
************ **
Israel:
"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide bombers who have commited such a crime.
We will now impose curfew on the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps."
(Ariel Sharon....)
************ **
Canada:
"Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister)
************ **
India:
"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic debris.
Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more soldiers to the border."
(Prime Minister Vajpayee)
************ **
Pakistan:
"Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke liye pabandi"
(President Musharraf)
************ **
UN:
"Shit happens right??"
(Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan)
************ **
Survivors:
"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening... it was an iceberg..hellloooooo."
************ **
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
How old am I ?
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don`t try to fool me because I can tell the difference."
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."
The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch. The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don`t want 8-year scotch like this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"
Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that`s the real thing."
A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that`s really far out what you can do. Try this one."
The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"
The drunk`s eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, now how old am I?"
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."
The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch. The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don`t want 8-year scotch like this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"
Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that`s the real thing."
A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that`s really far out what you can do. Try this one."
The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"
The drunk`s eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, now how old am I?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
